Narrative Lectionary Key Verse for Today
“You have plowed wickedness, you have reaped injustice, you have eaten the fruit of lies. Because you have trusted in your power and in the multitude of your warriors, therefore the tumult of war shall rise against your people, and all your fortresses shall be destroyed.”
NL Daily Devotion for Saturday, November 18, 2023
by R. M. Fergus, Clergy Stuff
I used to trust in my own power. I grew up with the bizarre narrative in my head that God had gifted me with everything I was going to get from God at birth, and it was subsequently up to me to take those gifts and carve out the life I wanted. Frankly, I had a lot of gifts: a good intellect, some clear skills and talents, a happy childhood, etc. So why, when I was 33 years old, was I so desperate to be out of my own life that I considered driving my car into the ditch and, too scared to actually do it, self-medicated with food to the point of obesity and diminished health? Why, when I had convinced myself I had this perfect, charmed life, was I so miserable?
I wandered into 12-step recovery for food addiction in November of 2004, with absolutely no clue as to what the 12 steps were or whether food addiction was actually a real thing. Within a very short time (a matter of weeks) the error of my thinking was laid bare: I was trusting in my own power. I was trying to be God in my own life (and the life of everyone around me, by the way) and it just does not work.
I am grateful (beyond grateful, actually) that I was so quickly convinced and was able to surrender to God the things that were God’s. My life was utterly transformed (not overnight—I am still on a one-day-at-a-time spiritual journey) and not only am I a normal body weight and in excellent health, I experience true serenity and joy even in the midst of very real challenges in my life.
God didn’t have to punish me with the tumult of war for my insistence on trusting my own power. I punished myself plenty. God was right there, like the father of the prodigal son, arms open and grinning wide when I stumbled back into God’s arms. Sooooooo grateful…
Do I trust in my own power sometimes? What are the results?
